


What's in a name?

by icannotevenfandom



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, I just removed light angst tag, M/M, So much angst, also bokuto and akaashi are idiots, because angst, bo kuroo kenma and akaashi are good friends, bokuto with bpd, but still a happy ending, fukutodani third years are good friends, kuroo and bokuto are in general a trouble for the other team's coach
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-28 05:52:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10075106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icannotevenfandom/pseuds/icannotevenfandom
Summary: “Akaashi can you pass me the bottle?” Bokuto said while walking towards the bench. Akaashi remained frozen on the spot mid sip with his eyes a little wide (though no one could tell because that boy has one hell of a poker face)“Nevermind I got it” and saying so Bokuto went back to talk to Konoha.All Akaashi could think right now was ‘What the fuck did I DO??’Alternatively, that time Bokuto starts calling Akaashi by his proper name instead of any variations and no one knows what Akaashi did to deserve this. Including Akaashi.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a post saying one day yamaguchi calls tsukki 'tsukishima' and tsukishima is just like 'what did i do??' and I had this idea of bo calling akaashi's name correctly and akaashi having a similar reaction. (i can't find that post! If anyone knows it please link it to me!)

“Akaashi can you pass me the bottle?” Bokuto said while walking towards the bench. Akaashi remained frozen on the spot mid sip with his eyes a little wide (though no one could tell because that boy has one hell of a poker face)

  
“Nevermind I got it” and saying so Bokuto went back to talk to Konoha.

  
All Akaashi could think right now was ‘What the fuck did I DO??’

  
The way Konoha was looking at Akaashi seemed like he was asking the same question.

  
Never in the two years of knowing Bokuto (not even the first time they met) had Bokuto ever said Akaashi’s name properly. It was always a variation of it ranging from ‘Akaaashiii’ to ‘Aughkaaasshiiiiiii’ (that one time he had an expresso. Who thought it was a good idea to expose Bokuto to caffeine ?!) Not even when Bokuto was mad did he say it properly. And today suddenly when nothing remotely conflicting had happened between them (at least according to him) Bokuto goes and says it properly.

  
Akaashi looked at Bokuto trying to gauge his body language to see if he was upset and if he could get any clues as to what happened. However Bokuto looked normal and was not showing any symptoms of a potential dejected mode. Bokuto suddenly turned his head towards him catching him staring and beamed at him.

  
This was actually more unnerving. Bokuto was mad enough to say his name properly but was pretending everything was alright. It was very unlike him to be passive aggressive like this. He literally yells at any and everyone if he is upset. This seemed even more serious than he thought.

  
During another water break Konoha came upto Akaashi while Bokuto was (purposefully)annoying Washio. “Soooo, what heinous crime did you commit?”

  
Akaashi looked at Konoha and then sighed “I have literally no idea. He doesn’t even seem upset. He is acting all normal but hasn’t even once asked me to compliment him. He hasn’t told me any animal facts or about some crazy thing he and Kuroo did over the weekend. It is as if he is being passive aggressive pretending that everything is alright but by doing all this he is hinting that I fucked up somewhere and should know what I did. And I have no clue”

  
“Wow dude, you sound like distressed boyfriend who has no idea what he did when his girlfriend says ‘I am fine’”

  
Akaashi gives him an unimpressed look. Konoha was enjoying this too much.

  
At the same time Komi joined them. “So Akaashi, what did you do?”

  
“He has no clue” Konoha answered for him.

  
“How can you screw up so bad and have no clue what you did? And here I thought Bokuto was the dense one.”

  
“Fuck off” Akaashi scowls and leaves the group.

  
Onaga comes over to Akaashi and starts “So Akaashi, what-“

  
And Akaashi turns around muttering ‘no. nope. Not dealing with this’. He knew he needed to talk to Bokuto but Bokuto seemed to be talking to everyone except him (though he was cordial and beamed at him whenever they did actually talk)

  
Yukie and Bokuto were close friends and food buddies (No seriously. Yukie out-ate Bokuto on many occasions. She was terrifying) Akaashi walks up to her after practice but before he could open his mouth she gives him an unimpressed look “Akaashi what the fuck did you do?”

  
There goes his hope. “Why does everyone thinks it is my fault??” Yukie gives him another look. “Listen, I literally came here to ask you whether you knew why Bokuto was upset! I have no idea what happened. We had nothing remotely resembling an argument.”

  
Yukie furrows her brow. “Oh. That is concerning. Have you talked to him?”

  
“No, not yet. I guess I will talk to him during lunch.”

  
Akaashi nodded to her and started walking back to class still thinking.

  
Bokuto was not in his class. For over one and a half year Bokuto always came to his class to chat/annoy/shout excitedly at him till their teacher came and yelled at Bokuto to leave and go to his own class. Akaashi seriously started wondering what he had done. He tried to retrace all their interactions over the past week. However, he came up with nothing. He could hardly concentrate on his classes.

  
Lunch bell rang and Akaashi almost ran towards Bokuto’s class (almost. He still had appearances to keep). Just when he reached the classroom he heard Bokuto’s loud booming laughter. Akaashi peeked from the door and saw Bokuto sitting among a group of guys from his class. He recognized one being from the basketball club. Bokuto looked as if he had no intention of getting up and joining Akaashi in his class for lunch as he had already started eating.

  
This was not good. Akaashi left the classroom before Bokuto could see him and trudged towards his own class. If this kept going on he would have to resort to his last option. Calling a certain pain-in-the-ass cat captain who also happened to be Bokuto’s best friend. Akaashi hoped things wouldn’t come down to that.

  
After school Akaashi changed to his gym clothes and entered the gym to find Bokuto already warming up. Bokuto looked at him and started “Oh Akaashi! I got the test results for that English exam you helped me with and I actually got a B in it! Thanks so much for your help man! I was so sure I was going to fail! Hey Saaruuuu, heard you got confessed to today! Oyaoya why don’t you tell us about it Sa~ruuu~” he sings and just like that their conversation is over. Akaashi sees Saru trying to ignore Bokuto (and failing) but all he can feel is a heavy feeling in his chest. Like some heavy sadness had made it’s home in his heart.

  
Everyone thought that Bokuto was an overbearing idiot and that Akaashi suffered the most because of him. However, the truth was, and this is something everyone who Bokuto is friends with can confirm, that Bokuto is an extremely affectionate and loving person. Sure he is an idiot and sure he sometimes thinks too highly (or too lowly, depending on his mood) of himself, but Bokuto is extremely honest and sincere. He never has hidden motives and is genuinely helpful and caring. And Akaashi has the most experience in that. For some reason Akaashi himself could never phathom, Bokuto admired Akaashi the moment they met. He would always fish compliments from him and would want Akaashi to validate him. At first Akaashi would do all of this since Bokuto was his senpai and was honestly impressive in terms of volleyball skills but as time went Akaashi realized that it was necessary for him to be blunt and sassy with Bokuto to keep him grounded. That the only way for Bokuto to get out of his dejected mode was not through compliments but through actions (like him hitting a spike than someone telling him he is amazing). And for Bokuto to actually be able to do this he needed someone who was straightforward rather than someone who would pity-compliment him. And as time went Akaashi started to take on the role of that person. However, as Akaashi started to become Bokuto’s favourite person, he also started to get used to Bokuto’s compliments, his affections and his attention. Akaashi was one person who could have Bokuto’s complete attention and who Bokuto would choose over most to give attention (though there was a slight competition with a certain cat).

  
So now suddenly not being the centre of Bokuto’s attention, Bokuto just talking to him casually like any other person threw Akaashi off balance. He was not certain what was happening, just that he didn’t like it. To think back, Akaashi always thought that Bokuto chattering at him the entire day about what dream he had to the bug he saw the other day was a little tiresome. But now that it was taken away, he felt that he strangely missed it. ‘Yup. I may have Stockholm syndrome’ Akaashi sighed to himself and started warming up.

  
Practice was weird. Bokuto was in a good form and there were many hey hey hey’s but none of them were directed towards Akaashi. Even the coaches looked at Akaashi in confusion but he just ignored them. He thought he would talk to Bokuto during the extra practice they normally did. At the end of practice when everyone left and with only Bokuto and Akaashi remaining Bokuto turned towards him and said, “ Hey Akaashi. You don’t really need to stay after practice for me you know. I am sure you have tests and exams to study for so it is okay if you don’t join me.” And Bokuto started picking up stray volleyballs to put them in the basket so that he can use them all again.

  
For the second time that day Akaashi froze. This… this was completely unexpected. Never has Bokuto ever asked him to not join him for practice. In fact he would badger him with requests, bribe him with food and has at times even pulled up the captain card. For him to ask Akaashi to leave… he actually felt like crying. He wanted to tell Bokuto he didn’t mind staying here with him but didn’t think he could deal with all of this right now. So he just said, “Very well Bokuto-san. I will take your leave for today. I will see you tomorrow.” and almost ran out of the gym. He didn’t look back to see Bokuto looking at his retreating form with an oddly sad expression.

  
By the time Akaashi reached the locker room thankfully everyone had left. He didn’t think he could deal with everyone’s questions right now. Akaashi just sat on a bench hunched. He didn’t know what was wrong with Bokuto. But though the goal in the morning was to find out what he did and apologize to Bokuto, right now he could care least about it. He felt very hurt. And angry. Normally Bokuto would never back down from any confrontation. So if there was anything he was angry about why hadn’t he talked to him about it? Why was Bokuto treating him like this, like he was nothing more than a casual teammate? He didn’t even mention anything about how he didn’t have lunch with Akaashi. And now asking him to not join the extra practice? Akaashi felt angry and double the amount of hurt. And confused. Because it was just one day of Bokuto acting like this. Just one missed lunch. Just one missed practice. Why was he making such a big deal about it? Bokuto was not obligated to do everything with him. Did he really have any right to be angry with him? Bokuto was perfectly civil and friendly with Akaashi the whole day ( _but not like normal_ his mind supplied). He hadn’t said anything rude to him nor did he ignore him ( _or pay attention to him_. Akaashi’s mind was very unhelpful). Bokuto had no reason to treat Akaashi in a special way (even though he did so all this time) and for that matter Akaashi had no right to expect that kind of treatment from him. Sure Akaashi was not just a teammate to Bokuto. He was also a friend, a good friend even. But so was Konoha, so was Washio. And they didn’t get angry at Bokuto for missing lunch with them (he actually had done that many times in favour of having lunch with Akaashi or simply forgetting he was supposed to get lunch with them) nor did they get angry or hurt that Bokuto didn’t ask them to join him for extra practice (they were relieved). So was HE the one making a big deal out of it? Was he the one expecting too much?

  
xxxxxxxxxxxx

  
“Man I have seen how you are with Akaashi! And boy aren’t you clingy! Seriously you should give him some space! You can’t just be glued to him 24/7. He has a life of his own, his own friend group and his own stuff to do! Don’t you think that you are kinda restricting him from having his own social group because you are with him constantly? It could get suffocating!”

  
Xxxxxxxxxxx


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you people for your kudos and comments! I really appreciate them!

The next day Akaashi came to the morning practice to find a not-so-much-in-a-good-mood Bokuto. The morning practice went on in the same fashion as the day before except that Bokuto was visibly upset and snapping at everyone. At first everyone just went along but by the end of it the coach was casting worrying glances at Akashi as it seemed even he had no effect on Bokuto’s mood. In school at lunch Bokuto still didn’t come to Akaashis class. As Akaashi was eating while reading a book he got a text message. Akaashi curiously opened it to find it was from Konoha

**Konoha**

_Holy shit Akaashi!! Bokuto is eating his lunch alone on the roof!! ALONE! WTF is happening!! He didn’t even come and ask me, Washio, Saru or Komi to have lunch with him!! Why isn’t he with you??_

**Akaashi -_-**

_He didn’t come to my class to have lunch. Even yesterday he didn’t come but he had lunch with his classmates then. How do you know he is on the roof alone? Did someone tell you?_

**Konoha**

_Oh man! This is a disaster! No one told us. We are watching him through the gap of the door!_

**Akaashi -_-**

_Wait, why are you watching him through the door? Why don’t you join him? And us?_

**Konoha**

_No way we are joining him! He is grumbling to himself and tapping angrily at his phone! You can join him if you are brave enough but we all are pretty attached to our lives! And us means me, Komi and Washio._

**Akaashi -_-**

_What do you want me to do? As you saw in the morning practice Bokuto-san didn’t really respond favourably to me. So I doubt I can be of any help._

**Konoha**

_Akaashi fight! You can’t give up like that! If there is any hope it is only you!  
(Also you are the cause of this even if you say you don’t know the reason. So take responsibility and do something. And if this goes on Yukie might kill you so there is that as an incentive)_

**Akaashi -_-**

_-_-_  
  
_I will see what I can do._

**Konoha**

_Yes that’s the spirit!_

Akaashi put his phone down and glared at it. He knew what he had to do and he hated it.

**Poker-faced Owl**

_Kuroo-san do you have time to talk?_

**Pain-in-the-ass Cat**

_Oyaoyaoya? To what do I owe this pleasure my owl friend?_

**Poker-face Owl**

_This is about Bokuto. -_- Do you know why he has been upset since yesterday?_

**Pain-in-the-ass Cat**

_He has been upset? I don’t know anything about this… We met up with some Tokyo captains this weekend and Bo was fine. Nothing upsetting happened at least then… How has he been acting?_

**Poker-faced Owl**

_Umm yesterday he didn’t show he was upset but he didn’t ask me to compliment him or even talk to me that much but was friendly and normal whenever he did… Also umm he started pronouncing my name properly (which sounds really weird when I spell it out like this). However today he has been upset since he came for the practice and has been snapping at everybody. I tried to calm him down and it had no effect on him. And now he is sitting on the roof and eating his lunch alone._

**Pain-in-the-ass Cat**

_WTF! Okay I am going to end our practice a little early and crash yours some time near the end. Tell your coach about it. I don’t think he would have much of a problem seeing how Bo is acting right now._

**Poker-faced Owl**

_Okay, I will tell the coach. Thank you for your help Kuroo-san._

**Pain-in-the-ass Cat**

_No worries Akaashi! I am always this kind._

**Poker-faced Owl**

_._

After-school practice was even more tensed than the morning practice. Bokuto was again snapping at everyone but he was also dangerously close at reaching his dejected mode. Akaashi was just praying for Kuroo to come in as fast as he could. The coach was more than happy to allow this (as Kuroo and Bokuto regularly crashed each other’s practices he was happy at least something productive might come out of this one). He too seemed to be thinking the same thoughts as Akaashi.

With half an hour remaining for practice, the gym doors opened and in came Kuroo with Kenma in tow.

“Bokuto my man! Wassup?!”

Kuroo went on to slap Bokuto’s back and Bokuto looked happier that he had looked all day.

“Kuroo! You didn’t tell me you were coming! Hey hey hey Kenma!”

Bokuto hugged Kuroo and then went to hug Kenma who easily side-stepped him while playing on his PSP.

“I thought I will give you a surprise! Also because my mom loves all my friends more than me she invited you for dinner as she is making your favourite curry.”

“OH YUSS! I LOVE YOUR MOM KUROO! HEY HEY HEY LETS FINISH THIS PRACTICE FAST!” and he went back enthusiastically to his spiking practice.

The entire gym heaved a sigh of relief and everyone gave Kuroo a silent thanks. After that practice went on without a hitch and the coach let Bokuto go without making him help clean and pack up the gym.

While Bokuto was talking to the coach, Kuroo took Akaashi aside and told him he would keep him updated if he found out something. Kenma and Akaashi made plans after practice to check out the new bookstore that opened near the school as it also had a video game section. As much as Kenma liked Bokuto he didn’t want to deal with both him and Kuroo together without Akaashi. Also since Kuroo would be talking to Bokuto about why he was upset he didn’t want to get in the way of their conversation.

Bokuto looked like he was back to normal but it didn’t go unnoticed that he didn’t say goodbye to Akaashi (he didn’t say goodbye to anybody, but Akaashi was Akaashi and always got a goodbye)

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After browsing through the bookstore with Kenma, they both parted ways and Akaashi went home. He had dinner and then completed his homework. He was occasionally checking his phone but he got no message from Kuroo. He thought that they probably had still not got talking. He waited till 11:00 pm but with still no message from Kuroo he decided to sleep and deal with this in the morning. In the morning when Akaashi woke up he found only one message on his phone.

**Pain-in-the-ass Cat**

_I am going snake hunting. I will bring back snake skin as a trophy._

What. The. Fuck?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this is a shorter chapter but the next chapter will be longer! (according to my plot line at least)  
> For all the non-manga readers, I will give you a little description of 'snake' in the notes in the next chapter.
> 
> Next chapter- more monologue, more feelings, hopefully more communication
> 
> Please give kudos and comment if you like the fic! 
> 
> You can come scream about volleygays with me on [My Tumblr](http://gayanime.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A second update the same day? Of course I didn't write this chapter in like 3 hours after posting the last one! Why do you think so?
> 
> Be ready for angst because ohhh so much angst is coming your way!

Kuroo could not believe this. This was ridiculous. Bokuto was ridiculous.

  
“So you are saying that Daishou told you to stop being clingy to Akaashi and give him some space and you just agreed with him and have been avoiding Akaashi ever since?”  
Bokuto curled up in himself a little. Kuroo was glaring at him and he was kind of feeling ridiculous about this too.

  
“I am not avoiding him. I was perfectly friendly with him yesterday but I am giving him space! And so long he hasn’t complained or even mentioned that we didn’t have lunch together or anything! Hell when I told him yesterday he didn’t need to stay for extra practice, he didn’t even protest, he just left like he was waiting for me to give him permission! Kuroo what if Daishou is actually right? What if I have been restricting Akaashi all this time and he hasn’t been able to say no to me because I am his upperclassman and his captain?? I have even pulled up the captain card to make him stay back for extra practice! Have I been abusing my power as a Senpai and Captain all this time?? I don’t even call him by his name properly!! Does Akaashi hate me? Did he not want to be around me all this time and it was just me pushing him around without taking any of his hints??”

Bokuto was growing hysterical now and Kuroo was so done.

  
“Bo I love you but you are sometime such an idiot! Akaashi is not a damsel in distress and he can very well tell you to back off if he wants to. He has never been a pushover. Sure he looks polite but we both know he is sassy as hell and for god’s sake you are literally sassed by him everyday! Do you think someone who ‘fears’ you for being a senpai and captain could do that?? He literally calls me pain-in-the-ass-kuroo san! You really think this boy will stay quiet if he doesn’t want to practice or spend time with you?! He is not just your kouhai and teammate Bokuto he is also your friend! We have all hung out outside volleyball before! Do you not see Akaashi as your friend?”

  
“I… I see him as one of my best friends.” Bokuto was staring at the floor hunched in on himself. Even his hair seemed to droop.

  
“Then why are you doubting your friendship?”

  
“Because I can be pushy and clingy. And I sometimes don’t understand hints. And I don’t know if Akaashi sees me as a friend at all.”

Oh no. This was not good. 

  
“Bo, what do you mean?”

  
“I- He has never explicitly stated that he is my friend. I always make plans first and initiate conversations. He is always apologising to others for my behaviour. He acts like my baby sitter. And to be honest the others made him our vice captain because he could handle my moods properly. So I don’t know. Maybe he doesn’t see me as a friend. Maybe I am just his responsibility.”

  
“ Bo no! That is not true! And you know that!”

  
“But what if it is? And even if it isn’t it is still true that I don’t give him space. I have never really seen Akaashi hanging out with his classmates. I know he has other friends but maybe me being constantly around and demanding his attention is preventing him from doing stuff with other people.”

  
Kuroo just rubbed his hand over his face. This, this was not what he expected out of this conversation. Bokuto had gotten into his dejected mode. But not because of some random thing. This was him battling his deep insecurities. Kuroo had always known that Bokuto was not the happy-go-lucky guy he always portrayed. Sure he was happy go lucky but what many times others saw as over confidence and fishing for attention, it was actually his coping mechanism. Kuroo knew that Bokuto’s mood swings were not voluntary. That he was seeing a therapist for Borderline Personality Disorder. Bokuto was very insecure. He was friendly with everyone but he had very few people with whom he had a close relationship. This was Bokuto’s insecurities, his fear of his disorder dictating him, the words of his bullies, all of it mixed together rearing it’s ugly head. Kuroo just wanted to cry on behalf of his friend. Seriously, Bo didn’t deserve this.

  
“Bo, I know whatever I say, you are not going to believe it in this state. So just do one thing for me okay. Please talk to Akaashi about this.”

  
“No! I can’t do that!”

  
“Bo-“

  
“No listen, I can’t put him in that position okay! What will I even talk to him about? Ask him ‘hey akaashi do you see me as your friend? Because I feel like I am clingy and pushy but I also see you as one of my best friends! So what do you think?’ What do you think his reply to that might be? He can’t really say ‘No’ can he?!”

  
“Bo no listen! You don’t need to say all of this! Just tell him what you are doing. Tell him you want to give him some space to do other stuff if he wants. Ask him if that is ok with him, if that is what _he_ wants. You cannot decide what Akaashi wants and feels about this relationship! You need to give him a chance to tell you _his_ opinions on this. You have been distant from him for a couple of days now without any explanations. Maybe he thinks this is what _you_ want. Just-just talk to him okay. You guys need to communicate!”

Bokuto didn’t say anything to that but he looked thoughtful.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 **Pain-in-the-ass Cat**  
_I am going snake hunting. I will bring back snake skin as a trophy._

  
What. The. Fuck?

  
Akaashi was not sure what to make out of the message. He decided it was too early to deal with this shit so he started getting ready for school. He was not sure what Bokuto to expect in the morning but he prayed that it would be the happy one.

  
His prayers were not answered. When he entered the locker room Bokuto looked at him and hurriedly got out. Throughout practice he was completely off his game. He didn’t even not look at Akaashi and whenever he did he looked sad and guilty. After the 10th missed spike Akaashi had had enough. He needed to talk to Bokuto. He stepped out of the court and told the coaches that he and Bokuto will be taking a ‘little breather’ and before Bokuto could protest he was dragged out of the gym towards the back of it.

  
“Akaashi listen, we can’t get out of the practice so early. We should go back, I can do bett-“

  
“Bokuto-san.”

  
Akaashi’s tone was cold. Well, not cold but stern, the i-am-so-done-with-your-bullshit-stern. Bokuto slumped by a near-by wall. Akaashi took a deep sigh and his stern gaze softened.

  
“Bokuto-san, I am not sure what I have done but for the past 3 days you have either been passive aggressive or just angry at me. I would like to apologise for whatever I did but I at least need to know what.”

  
Bokuto looked stunned.

  
“A-akaashi I am-I am not angry with you. Why did you think so?”

  
Akaashi stared at the ground. Bokuto looked so concerned he didn’t want to look at him.

  
“You aren’t coming to my class after practice, nor are you having lunch with me. You haven’t talked properly to me since Monday and you even asked me to leave during the extra practice. You were so snappy yesterday that even I couldn’t do anything. I had to get Kuroo to help. And today you didn’t even want to be in the same room as me. You refused to even look at me during practice. Of course you are angry with me. I really don’t know what I did Bokuto-san but I really apologise for whatever it was.”

  
Akaashi looked small. His voice sounded small, young. He looked as if he wanted to curl up on the ground. And Bokuto. Bokuto feels ashamed. This is all his fault. He never wanted Akaashi to feel guilty about something he didn’t even do. Bokuto felt like a moron. A complete and utter moron

.  
Bokuto clasped both of Akaashi’s shoulders. Akaashi jumped a bit at the sudden touch but kept staring at the ground.

  
“Akaashi, look at me. Akaaashiii come on look at me”

  
At the revival of his butchered name Akaashi’s eyes snapped back to Bokuto’s.

  
Bokuto smiled a soft smile. “Akaashi, I am not angry at you. At all. You haven’t done anything. Whatever problem I had was just me being an idiot okay. You don’t need to worry about it, I will sort it out. If anyone needs to apologise it is me. I didn’t think you will blame yourself for my stupidity. I had a talk with Kuroo yesterday and he-um-kinda gave me a dressing down. Yeah you could say that. But basically I am an idiot and I wanted to talk to you today about some stuff and apologise for my behaviour but I wasn’t sure how and therefore was avoiding you. I am really really sorry for my behaviour Akaashi! ”

  
Bokuto bowed down for the last bit and Akaashi was not sure how to react to this and just said a small ‘okay, I forgive you’ to it.

  
Bokuto got back up and smiled his full beam smile.

  
“I think we should get back to practice before the coach pulls us in by our ears!”

  
“Didn’t you want to talk to me about something?”

  
“After practice in the evening”

  
Akaashi smiled and nodded and they got back to practice.

  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  
Akaashi was feeling a little better. Bokuto came to his class before school started and they had lunch together with the third years. However, he was still not back to himself. He was laughing and joking around but was still maintaining a bit of distance. And he was still calling his name properly. He hoped that whatever talk they will have after practice will sort this out.

  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  
Practice went better than yesterday. After practice everyone filed out except Bokuto and Akaashi a they were as usual staying for extra practice. Bokuto started hitting serves. Akaashi could see that he was tensed after the practice was over and everytime he hit a serve his was dispelling some of his nerves. Akaashi was really starting to wonder what the talk was going to be about for Bokuto to be so nervous.

  
Finally Bokuto stopped hitting serves and went back to the bench to drink some water. Akaashi followed him there.

“Do you want to talk about whatever it is now?"

  
Bokuto took a deep sigh.

  
“Yeah, I think so.”

  
Bokuto and Akaashi sat on the gym floor, their backs against the wall. Bokuto was fiddling with his water bottle. He started-

  
“Do you ever think that you are nuisance to somebody?”

  
What. What the hell. Of all the things, Akaashi did not expect that.

  
“Bokuto-san, what do you mean?”

  
“I feel that way sometimes. That I am a nuisance. Especially when I get my mood swings. That is the time I am the most helpless. Because rationally I know I shouldn’t be affected by small things. But emotions don’t really follow rationality do they?” He gave a humourless laugh.

  
“Bokuto san what are you getting at?”

  
“I have Borderline personality disorder.”

  
Akaashi looked at Bokuto shocked. He knew a bit about it since he was interested in Psychology. Suddenly the mood swings, Bokuto’s behaviour, small triggers, hate of criticism, everything made sense.

  
“I see. I am sorry I don’t know how to respond to this but thank you for telling me this Bokuto-san”

  
Bokuto looked at Akaashi for a bit and continued

  
“Do you know what it means Akaashi?”

  
“A bit. I have read about it”

  
“Well it is the reason for my mood swings. Do you know what a ‘favourite person’ is in relation to BPD?”

  
Akaashi shook his head to indicate he didn’t.

  
“We tend to idealise people Akaashi. We imprint on certain people and idealise them and try and seek validation from them. It is not even necessary for us to know them sometimes. In all honesty my favourite person should have been Kuroo. But Volleyball plays a very important role in my life. And Kuroo is a middle blocker, a bane for a wing spiker and ace. But you, you are a setter. When you first joined in, even on the first day, you had this aura of being calm and in control. You were polite but even more you didn’t follow the example of our third years and made fun of me behind my back like the other first years. Instead I could see that you were a little irritated by them. You were perfectly respectful to me. You were the kind of person I wanted to be like and you being a setter, someone who helps the wing spiker, someone who is their partner was just the cherry on top. I instantly started seeing you as my favourite person. And you didn’t disappoint. As time went by I started seeing you not just as my FP but also my friend. You never told me to back off and you kept me grounded on court. You never rejected my invitations and actually stayed behind for extra practice. I liked hanging out with you. So that is what I did all the time.”

  
Akaashi was still processing all of this. He was not sure what to say. But Bokuto was not looking at him or expecting him to respond. It just looked as if he had paused.

  
“This weekend however someone reminded me that you are a different person too. And maybe I am just thinking about myself. Maybe I was not giving you space and was restricting you from making other friends, doing stuff with them by being clingy and demanding. And that is why I was a little distant on Monday. I didn’t come to your class before school or for lunch because that was me giving you space. During practice you didn’t mention any of it so I thought that is what you wanted. When I gave you an out from extra practice you didn’t protest, you just took it. And that made me think that maybe all this time I was the one being pushy, I was the one being clingy. Maybe you didn’t want to be my friend but didn’t know how to tell me to back off. Or maybe you did but I never took the hint. That is why I was in a bad mood yesterday. I wanted to be angry on you but mostly I was angry on myself for being like this. I didn’t even think you will feel like my behaviour was your fault. And now we are here. So really tell me truthfully Akaashi, am I clingy? Do you want me to back off? Because I will, no hard feelings at all! I just need to know!”

  
Bokuto finally looked at Akaashi. And oh no. Oh no why was Akaashi crying? Oh shit he fucked up!

  
“Akaashi why are you crying? Akaashi please don’t cry! I will back off! I won’t even talk to you! Seriously please don’t cry!”

  
Bokuto was panicking now. Akaashi had tears in his eyes which were flowing freely and was close to sobbing. Akaashi just put his hand up as if asking Bokuto to wait. Bokuto was fidgeting but waited for Akaashi to compose himself.

  
“I am sorry I am not even sure why I am crying but I will tell you this. Bokuto-san you are an idiot”

  
“ Yes I am. I am sorry.”

  
“See you are still being an idiot. What is wrong with you! Where did you even get this idea that I didn’t want to be your friend?! If that was the case I would have straight up told you that! I would have never hung out with you in the first place!”

  
Huh. Wait what?

  
“And as far as space is concerned, yes we are always together and I don’t do stuff with my classmates but that is not because of you, it is because _I don’t want to_. I still hang out with my other friends and if there was ever a time I didn’t want to hang out because of prior commitments or whatever reason I will straight up tell you and maybe your idiot mind doesn’t remember I have actually even told you so! And all those times you respected my decision! So stop! Please stop thinking you are the only one who wants to be friends and you are pushy, clingy or whatever other moronic thought your brain supplied! That is not the case!”

  
At this point Akaashi was nearly shouting, breathing hard while Bokuto just looked at him stunned. He wasn’t expecting that. Maybe at the most the best scenario he had thought of was ‘no I am your friend but a little space would be appreciated’

  
“Oh”

  
Akaashi glared at him, “That is your response. Just an ‘oh’? He had gotten up and gone to bench for some water.

  
“I-was not expecting that. Sorry I am still processing”

  
“What were you expecting? Me saying no we are not friends and turning away?”

  
Bokuto looked down at the floor

  
“Seriously?!” A bottle came flying and hit Bokuto on his head.

  
He looked up startled “Hey!”

  
Another came and hit him. “No, you deserve this. For thinking so low of me.”

  
Then a ball came in which Bokuto dodged (barely)

  
“No Akaaaashiii stop! I am sorry!”

  
Akaashi didn’t say anything. He just threw another ball. Then another. Then another.

  
At the end of it Akaashi was basically chasing Bokuto and they both collapsed together on the floor laughing hard. They would stop laughing then look at each other and then start again. They were not even sure why they were laughing in the first place. Just that they both were feeling lighter that they had in the past so many weeks.  
Finally after sometime they stopped laughing and just laid quietly on the floor.

  
“Hey Akaashi?”

  
“Mmm” Akaashi had his eyes closed but a small smile was playing on his lips.

  
“Thanks”

  
Bokuto’s voice was soft, quiet but the good kind of quiet. The one where you are quiet because you know the other person can hear you, that you don’t need to be loud for their attention. The quiet when you have been sitting and reading your favourite book with hot cocoa along with your friend, the silence just being a way of being alone together, like sharing your aloneness. The quiet of having laughed so hard that you don’t think your stomach will ever be ok again and you are fine with it as you try to be as still as possible not wanting anything to set you off again. The quiet of understanding. The quiet of having someone there for you. The quiet of friendship

  
After a long pause, Bokuto was not even sure if he heard it or imagined it but he thinks he did hear it-

  
“idiot”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I know this was going to be BokuAka but that didn't really fit in this chapter. I can do an epilogue with Bokuaka though so tell me if you want one!
> 
> Bokuto went back to butchering Akaashi's name!
> 
> I do not have BPD or any experience with it so in case I have said something wrong or potrayed it incorrectly please tell me and I will make those changes!
> 
> Also you bet Kuroo chewed out Daishou!
> 
> For the non-manga readers- Diashou is a Tokyo team captain and is as close to an antagonist as a person in Haikyuu can get. Though again after being portrayed that way he was kinda redeemed and most of us adopted him as our problematic child but he is still the most antagonist teen character in haikyuu.
> 
> Yes there is a story about Bo and previous 3rd years. There is a reason why Akaashi is the only second year on team. Maybe I will write the story one day. Tell me if you are interested!
> 
> Please give kudos or comment if you like this fic! Constructive criticism welcome!
> 
> Scream with me about Volleygays on [My Tumblr](http://gayanime.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> SO basically Bo is an idiot and Akaashi is also kind of stupid. 
> 
> Next time- Kitty cat captain enters the drama!
> 
> Give kudos and comment if you like the fic! Constructive criticism welcome!  
> Scream about volleygays with me on [My Tumblr](http://gayanime.tumblr.com/)


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